Saturday, August 28, 2010

Why Couldn't Mark Kiszla Write This In May?

It must really suck to have Mark Kiszla's luck. Over and over (and over and over) he makes an ass of himself with his self-serving and bizarrely craven attempts at prescience in the Denver Post. Recent example:

Kiszla, never one to pass up a cheap shot at anyone, took on Todd Helton in the above column, and Helton had REALLY struggled all year. In spite of Drew Goodman's constant insistence that Helton had transformed himself from the power hitter Rockies fans knew for years into a singles and doubles hitter, it was obvious. Todd Helton's best days were behind him. In nearly every offensive efficiency category, Helton was last or second-to-last in the league among first baseman. Helton was not only diminished, he was probably hurting the Rockies on the field (his superior defensive skills notwithstanding) and given his salary, he was DEFINITELY hurting the Rockies off the field.

The Rockies did what they could do to protect Helton, who is one of the rare baseball players in this era to spend his entire career with one organization. The team places Helton on the DL with a "sore back," an ailment so vague in nature that it brought to mind Barry Bonds's inane DL assignation of "side." Of course, this comparison insists that the question of steroids, which has haunted Bonds his entire career (and retirement) must be asked of Helton, whose astronomical offensive numbers coincided with the steroids era, but that's a column and question for another day.

Back to Kiszla, who proclaims in his Denver Post column HEADLINE that it's "Time for Helton to hang 'em up." How does Helton respond? With a 7-game stretch in which he hit .429, raising his anemic batting average more than 15 points. Additionally, in that week following Mark Kiszla's column, Helton doubles his season-long total of home runs (from 2 to 4) and RBI (from 5 to 10). A 4-for-4 game in Coors Field vs. Atlanta ignited the Rockies, and Helton had key hits in several other games.

In short, without question, the guy that Mark Kiszla wanted to retire responded by performing as the team's most valuable player in the week following the Kiszla column.

Does Kiszla have terrible luck? Terrible timing? Or is he a moron?

And why couldn't he have written his column in May? Or better yet, why can't he write another one about Clint Barmes, who has become an automatic out?